In This Story, I Play the Villain
We’re all familiar with the wicked step mothers portrayed in movies. It’s a known fact that the villain will usually be the step mom. It’s funny to me now, but in the beginning of my blended family journey it kind of sucked. You see, I felt completely alone. There weren’t many people who understood blended family dynamics and getting told over and over that I knew what I was getting into, or to stay in my lane because I was JUST the step mom got really old really quickly. I focused on my family, the people I love and who I am instead of the outside. I focused on the things I can control and on creating beautiful memories with my family. My focus couldn’t be on the outsiders opinions. My happiness depended on knowing I can only control so much and I should focus on that.
We are growing as a family in amazing and beautiful ways. We all still hit bumps and we all have rough days where we owe an apology or two. In this messy beautiful life there are a few things I have come to accept as fact:
I will always be the bad guy and villain in someone else’s story.
There will always be a group of people, people whom I love, who will never get it, and that’s ok!
I control my own happiness!
Let’s talk about how I will always be the villain to some. It will NEVER matter to some people how pure my motives may actually be. It will never matter where my heart is. It will never matter that I give credit where credit is due, or take the higher road, or encourage positive co parenting and parent child relationships with my step child and husband. None of that will ever matter.. because for some in my story.. I am the easiest to blame. You know what, that’s ok! There are days it still stings to be told how I am second class citizen and my efforts don’t matter, but ultimately, that opinion doesn’t matter! It takes a lot of focusing on wat truly matters, gratitude and intentional living to remember this when life gets mucky. But I get to write my own story. I get to choose if I am in fact the villain to my family. I get to choose my actions and there are some opinions that just shouldn’t matter. That doesn’t mean that they don’t create stress in our household, but we choose how we react to that stress. That’s where the power lies. We get to control our reaction, our happiness.
Some people won’t ever understand the stress, the frustration or the pain that someone living in a blended family deals with. And that’s ok too! Be grateful they don’t get it! That is one less family dealing with brokenness and trauma. That in itself is beautiful. It’s important to just remember, that not “getting it’ doesn’t meant they don’t care. It may just mean that when seeking wise advice, you may need to seek elsewhere.
My biggest lesson that I have learned these past 8.5 years is that I am in control of my future, my happiness and my family’s memories together. We may not have the control of our decisions the way we would if there wasn’t another family in the picture, but it’s such a small portion of our story!