How I am Learning to STOP the Judging and START Living

Why is it so easy to judge? Why is it, that it’s more difficult to take a moment and try to look at the picture through someone else’s eyes? Why are we so quick to defend ourselves, even when wrong.. to the point of hurting others?
For the people reading this who know me, you know that I am a second wife and step mom. These are terms that don’t necessarily define who I am, but they are very defining roles in my life at the moment. Often times, my family deals with stress, turbulence, and unnecessary conflict because of miscommunications, quick judgements and pride

I spoke with a great friend yesterday and one of the things we talked about was the “broken family” dynamic. The truth is, NO ONE, I mean NO ONE, imagines themselves living the life of a blended/broken family. No one imagines that they will get a divorce, no one imagines they will be a second wife/husband. Brokenness hurts. Brokenness causes grief and confusion for all involved. If the adults living within this dynamic aren’t mature enough to be in touch with their own grief and emotions, a lot of unnecessary conflict and confusion will arise. One thing we try to focus on, is that our family isn’t broken! We aren’t broken. We are a different shape and size and we deal with many things that a “typical” family doesn’t have to deal with. But our strength, love for each other and drive to provide a positive and loving home means we are not broken!

This drive for a positive environment has taught me to slow my reactions…which is not always easy, (and I certainly don’t always do this!) It has taught me to TRY to look at the bigger picture, and to be humble… even when others are not. I am not always right. (NO ONE IS) I can’t see the whole picture and communication is a hard thing, especially when it is between two totally different households who have very different views on things. I have never had to send my child to be with his dad and another woman. I have never had to raise my kid and then listen to another’s opinion of care, thankfully. Taking this standpoint has not stopped some of the negative things from happening, nor has it changed anyone else in our story. It has changed MY family though. It has made ME a better person. Accepting that this is our life, choosing to love our life in all of its different shapes, and acknowledging I can’t change someone else has made it easier to let go of the crap – filter out the unnecessary and only respond to the important. It hasn’t changed the fact that the court system is broken and that sometimes the truth isn’t seen, but my little family and I choose to have enough love within our little house to get us through it.

            Am I perfect… ABSOLUTELY NOT! Not in any single sense of the word, I am not a perfect person, I am not a perfect parent, I am not a perfect wife, and the list goes on!! And that is OKAY! I don’t have to be. Flaws are real, flaws make people approachable, beautiful and relatable! Honestly, letting go of the desire to compete and be perfect is freeing. It feels good. Sure, words can still sting, but maybe those words are aimed at us because there are deeper personal issues within. I still have a long way to go, I am still looking for myself and trying to find my own identity apart from all this “blended” stuff… but today I have hope. I have hope that our blended family is beautiful and there will be peace someday… at least in our home. ❤

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